4. Beauty Queens

Book #4: Beauty Queens

Author: Libba Bray

Published: May 4, 2011

Pages: 396

5 Gold Stars

(summary from Goodreads)

The fifty contestants in the Miss Teen Dream pageant thought this was going to be a fun trip to the beach, where they could parade in their state-appropriate costumes and compete in front of the cameras. But sadly, their airplane had another idea, crashing on a desert island and leaving the survivors stranded with little food, little water, and practically no eyeliner.

What's a beauty queen to do? Continue to practice for the talent portion of the program - or wrestle snakes to the ground? Get a perfect tan - or learn to run wild? And what should happen when the sexy pirates show up?

Welcome to the heart of non-exfoliated darkness. Your tour guide? None other than Libba Bray, the hilarious, sensational, Printz Award-winning author of A Great and Terrible Beauty and Going Bovine. The result is a novel that will make you laugh, make you think, and make you never see beauty the same way again.

A Note From Our Sponsor

Well it’s been a wild ride hasn’t it? I don’t want to alarm you, and I can’t guarantee that everyone is safe and sound now, but I’d like to take a minute to let you know that The Corporation had no part in this matter as much as “they” would let you otherwise believe. It is not our fault that a plane holding all 50 contestants of The Miss Teen Dream Beauty Pageant crashed onto a deserted island. It is not our fault that we could not get there to rescue them. It is not our fault that being on this island may have liberated these girls. This island may or may not have taught them to be self sufficient, mean you this was with much help from Corporation products such as Lady ‘Stache Off and no doubt with a little help of The Miss Teen Dream Pageant morals as well.

There’s no way past it. These girls are brave. They learn to fish, built huts, find fresh drinking water, all the while wearing torn pageant dresses and sashes. These are Miss Teem Dreamers and The Corporation recognizes that. That may or may not be why we thought them a threat. Oh, I’m getting off track here. Where was i?

The Corporation did not plan for the girls to stay very long. We had it all set up, but damn are these girls smarter than they look. They are outspoken, quick thinkers and they sure know how to use those pageant moves as weapons. Especially that Miss Texas, now she’s a pure bred. There’s no stopping her once she’s put her mind to something. And Miss Nebraska sure won’t take anybody’s crap. Most of these girls seem like your typical, clean cut beauty queens. Well think again viewers. There is more to these girls that meets the eye. Once again, The Corporation feels like we could have done more to help these girls, maybe get them off that island before they started to become, well, independent and thinkers. You can’t let a woman think too much, or else this happens.

Let’s just all pretend none of this happened. Let’s go back to thinking great things about The Miss Teen Dream Pageant and all the wonderful Corporation aspects it stands for. We do not condone this behavior, but let me just leave you with this final message from The Corporation:

Never leave fresh, smart girls alone together on an island. Because they will get angry when they find out what you plan on doing and they will in fact seek revenge. And these girls are pretty resourceful, so they will win.

“Maybe girls need an island to find themselves. Maybe they need a place where no one’s watching them so they can be who they really are.”